north star
by kitdaumlers
Summary: However far Tyler travels, Bonnie knows he'll always find his way back to her. or, the infinite times Bonnie and Tyler meet in the middle. (Bonnie/Tyler post 5x07 roadtrip AU)


**5x07 AU. I refuse to believe Quetsiyah would do her ancestor dirty and make Bonnie the anchor.**

**Instead of Bonnie being the anchor, Quetsiyah exchanges her life for Silas', allowing Amara to die and Silas' punishment to become the anchor. Boom – Bonnie gets to be alive and the problem solves itself. I haven't watched tvd in years so there might be a few inaccuracies. Welp. roll with me on this one.**

**Inspired by Future Island's 'north star'.**

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_I've broken many promises._

_But this one I would die to keep._

i.

It begins as innocently as possible.

A second breath of life, the shock of her re-emergence in to the land of the living, the planning of her father's funeral, the distant relatives, the compelled admittance into Whittmore, the _normalisation_ of everything. It happens at such a speed that her breath is almost taken away, she moves from one event to the other almost as if she is floating. And in this frenzy of activity, Bonnie is surprised that she can think of, and feel – nothing.

That's a lie.

She thinks of two things; on a loop is the sharp precision of the knife across her father's throat, the gushing of blood and the racking of her body as her bones meld into nothing but screams. Coupled with the feeling of coming back to life – a backwards birth (moving through the heat and core of the earth and the lowliness of dirt). She decides that the constant memory of these two things alone impressed on her being is too much of a weight for a person to carry in their bones, so she numbs herself to everything.

i'm fine, Caroline - honestly. Of course I missed you too, Elena. We should so go to this party. Are you having a great time? Sure; I'm having a great time. We're happy. I'm happy.

She feels nothing.

But these are the moments that memories are made of! – (she probably read it in the flurry of flyers dotted around common room boards) but she slinks to the corners of loud crowded rooms watching her best friends tactfully decode them; laughing, dancing, normal.

In these moments her dead friends are most alive.

It's morbidly humorous.

ii.

Secretly, she's glad when she discovers that her timetable clashes with Elena and Caroline's more times than they would like.

She reads and takes walks, in coffee shops or crowded places. In perfect solitude, but yet so crowded. People ignore her, but they can see her. She could bump into someone, tap them on the shoulder and they would respond. These are the little things that bring her joy.

iii.

It begins as innocently as possible.

Maybe it's the jelly shots she's downed as she floats between groups at the party, but she feels weightless, transparent, as malleable as a flame in the wind. She breathes lightly, with precision and purpose, inhaling to the point where she can feel her ribcage press against her skin. The music is a constant thud in her ear drums, a tingling just under the first layer of skin. And then it shifts. She sees him.

Tyler Lockwood. Half wolf, half vampire, half caroline's ex-boyfriend (isn't that too many halves?), part prodigy, part first of his kind (just like her), part orphan - (just like her, just like her.)

He walks in like it's nothing, both discreet and catching the eyes of those around him. Since they were kids, Bonnie was always fascinated how Tyler could tow the line between cocky and cool. Yeah, he was an asshat at times, and it seemed to get worse with age, but since he became a wolf, then a hybrid, that asshatness seemed to mellow down. And now he was just..cool. _Like cucumber. Or Ranch_. Yeah. she was definitely a little bit tipsy. _Maybe jello shots on an empty stomach wasn't a good idea._ She makes a bee-line to the food table, hugging the walls and trying to avoid people as best as she can. The cocktail sausages are ice cold, greasy and kind of gross - but she's hungry and she could use them to sober up.

She's halfway through stuffing her face with another handful when she senses him by her side.

"Hey" Tyler says too loudly. She turns around slowly, knowing what a sight she must look like now. She would usually feel embarrassed but with the 5 shots of jaeger sitting high in her ribs, she doesn't care. She offers the napkin to him with wide open eyes and a mouth full of food.

"Weenie?" They both laugh, drawing attention from the groups talking and dancing closest to them.

He wipes a tear from his eye. Bonnie hasn't laughed in so long. It's nice.

He pops four weenies in his mouth and mumbles "You want a drink?"

She laughs again, turning heads.

vi.

The steady rise and fall, is a luxury. Hand to chest, nails scratching lightly against her skin, knowing the breath she breathes is genuine, her _own_ and not the residue of a vampire breathing the last gasp of a second death in to her, - is a luxury.

She'll hum sometimes; her fingertips pressed to her sternum feeling the inflated vibration warming her throat to the back of her ears. And sometimes she'll strain that warmth just slightly – feel it transcend from her fingertips to the candles across the room. Her magic is back. Nothing major, a few spells here and there – she starts small. And she reminds herself that it is a muscle, it can be trained, pushed, (manipulated).

It is a muscle and must be taken care of. So she starts small.

But in the back of her mind thoughts tend to creep like calloused hands along a spinal column – what if? It can grow. If I push it more every day it can grow, I can get better. Stronger.

She tries not to think of those thoughts.

Bonnie thinks instead of the party last night.

Her and Tyler cooped up in the corner of the home room leaning in closer and closer shutting everyone out, both drunk, words slowed but speaking too fast. Laughing about stupid things, memories that did or did not happen - who knows? everything is funny right now and _Why have we never hung out before?_

Tyler says "why have we never hung out before? We never talk."

She answers, high-pitched: "I know!"

Tyler pauses, looks at her with the slightest tinge of shame.

"Caroline broke up with me"

"Really?!" eyes too wide, too surprised, too happy.

"Yeah yeah. It Sucks."

"Jeremy broke up with me"

"Oof." He inhales sharply and takes a swig of beer. "Sorry Bon. Did he at least wait until you were you know…" He points his cup in her general direction. "...alive?"

"Yeah. I'll give him that." She downs the rest of her drink in one go, wincing at the burn, at the memory. She turns from him slightly, going cold. It was the nicest break up in the history of the world, the most docile, the most uneventful. Tyler knocks his shoulder against hers, shifting over to sit closer to her. "Well, at least our suspicions of Jer having a ghost fetish are confirmed."

They both laugh some more.

She texts him.

Maybe the sheen has worn off. People are overly friendly at parties. Maybe she's just a fog to him again - Caroline's friend, the girl I sat next to in 8th grade Math.

**You sober?**

**Barely.**

Bonnie fights a grin.

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Let me know your thoughts in the reviews.**


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